My cousin was just fussing on Facebook about how folks are sending her all these invites to stuff for their kids when she has no real relationship with them or the kid. Goodness, I see her point.
Here are the thoughts that I posted on her page:
Yeah, good point. There are people who are your close friends & family who LOVE you & your kids and will walk out in traffic for them/you, there are the people who "expect/really want" an invite and then there are folks that you are just hitting up. It's not good just to hit folks up. Especially, if there is no relationship - real, implied, desired or otherwise. Once a year love is not enough. Important to keep in mind. A rule of thumb might be, "If they showed up without a gift and you'd be glad to see them anyway, invite them. If they showed up without a gift and you'd be mad, you might want to rethink your guest list."
She liked my comment. Her fuss made me examine myself and think more carefully about how I roll. There are only a few categories of people who are invited to parties - close family, friends, affinity/activity friends, 'obligatories' and 'hit 'em ups.' Details as follows:
A) The are people who are your close friends and family - These are the folks who love you/your child and would walk out into traffic for them. These are people you see or talk to weekly, monthly, quarterly and for whom you would spend gas money or airfare to go "see about."
B) The people who "expect/really want" an invitation - Your affinity/activity and obligatories go here BUT use discretion on this, just because THEY expect or really want an invite, doesn't mean you have to send one. Just know who you are dealing with and how you will deal with them should they find out that you had a party and you didn't invite them.
Examples: Your nice neighbor, the old ladies at church who like invitations and send a card but might not attend due to a hip or something, your great aunt Jean who made your child's layette by hand, that fringe girlfriend who adores you but has a conflicting schedule and never quite makes it to your events, your book club mate who has kids your child's age, people who pay attention and say, "Where are you registered? When is the party? What's his favorite...? Let me know how I can help. Here's my info, let me know."
Again, you don't have to invite these people but if you've been meaning to get together, take a moment to decide if this is the right event. You could invite them OR you could contact them to schedule a lunch for the following week.
C) Another would be, if your child specifically asks you to invite them because they have a genuine relationship with the person. - Their friends, teachers, parents of school friends, daycare lady who has loved him his whole life and still keeps in touch. I think you get the point.
D) They invited you to their kid's thing - Your call. Did you hit it off? Did the kids enjoy it. Use wisdom and don't feel bad if the answer is no. You can just send a card.
Finally, a rule of thumb that I fleshed out from my cousin's Facebook page. Ask yourself these questions:
"If the person showed up at my house without a gift, would I still be glad to see them and feed them?" If so, invite them.
"If the person showed up at my house without a gift, would I be mad that they were eating my food & sucking up my AC?" If you'd be mad, take a second look at your guest list and do some pruning.
You really don't need to "hit folks up." If there is no REAL relationship (whether real, virtual, implied, desired or otherwise), please don't put them in a situation where they have to spend money on your kid or you, for that matter. There are enough people in your life who genuinely love/like you and whose company you enjoy. And in terms of gifts, God provides. Look at these parties as occasions to really hang with folks who mean a lot to you.
I hardly ever post, so I hope this will be useful or fun to read.
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